15 Business Leaders Explain What Makes Feedback ‘Constructive’ Rather Than Harmful

Feedback is an incredibly valuable tool that can help your employees grow and reach their full potential. But it can also have the opposite effect if that feedback is pointed and negative.

There’s a fine line between constructive criticism and harmful criticism, and as leaders and colleagues, it's important to understand the difference. We asked members of Forbes Coaches Council where they draw the line, and how to spot unhelpful feedback so you can alter your approach. Their best responses are below.

1. Root It In A Specific Action, Behavior Or Communication

Criticism and constructive are two words that don't go together. The dictionary defines criticism as "the act of passing severe judgement...and faultfinding." Consider the feedback and ask for clarification on what action, behavior or communication (ABC) triggered their comments to adjust and realign your intention with your impact. If the ABC can't be identified, then it's likely about them, not you. - Suzanne Ricard-Greenway, SR Greenway Leadership

2. Aim For Sustainable Improvement

Know your point! Do you need your say included, want to demean or prove you’re the boss? If the point is improvement, know that people improve by looking forward with positivity. Never has negative criticism helped, other than perhaps to prove someone wrong—which isn’t sustainable or enjoyable. Long-term, sustainable change happens by looking forward and finding interest or excitement. It's about their interest, not yours. - Andrea Luoma, PhD, Accommodare Consulting & Executive Coaching

3. Allow The Other Person To Make A Choice To Change

Criticism never helps. Adults learn best when we feel respected and valued. When we feel judged or criticized, we will get defensive, shut down and be unable to learn. Sharing your observations and reflecting back the impact you've felt or seen lets the other person make their own choices about how to change what they do. Firm, clear feedback of this sort is kind. Criticism is usually cruel. - Sharon Richmond, Richmond Associates Consulting

4. Point To Observable Behaviors

There are a variety of good feedback models and they all start with the same recommendation: deliver feedback on observable behaviors rather than emotions, assumptions or general perceptions. I like to tell managers to imagine they are holding a video camera. What is the person doing that you can see and or hear? Feedback based on fact reduces the emotionality of the feedback exchange. - Antonia Bowring, ABstrategies LLC

5. Start With Curiosity And Listening

Criticism is helpful only if your goal is to make people feel defensive, angry and unappreciated. If you want to see behavioral change, you must start with curiosity and listening. Explore the person's intended impact and their related thought processes. That will help you to discover the disconnect between your expectations and their behavior. Address that and you'll fix the problem at the root. - Lisa Christen, Christen Coaching & Consulting LLC

6. Describe The Impact On You Or Others

Constructive criticism sounds like this: "Bob, when you text others when we are talking, I feel like you don't care what I have to say." Harmful criticism goes like this: "Bob, you don't listen worth a darn and you are rude, too!" The former describes the experience of the person providing the feedback. The latter ascribes negative character traits to Bob, likely leading to a negative response. - Gary Bradt, Bradt Leadership, Inc.

7. Produce A Positive Energy

Constructive criticism is good if given and received properly. Constructive criticism will always trigger a positive urgency to change if the energy is positive. Negative criticism creates negative energy and makes the person drift into sadness. This is the red flag to be noticed. The key is to first highlight a positive side, allow the energy to become positive and then share the feedback. - Avinash Anand Singh, Blue Dot Transform Consulting Pvt LTD

8. Care About The Recipient's Growth

Some people do not have your growth and development in mind when they offer flat and/or mean spirited feedback. If you suspect this, paraphrase what you're hearing to give the person a chance to retract or course-correct. Ask for examples that focus on the facts and remember to listen. While you may feel like you want to lash out, there may be a nugget or two that could be pulled from the rubble. - Dorothy Enriquez, The Communication Strategist

9. Serve As Each Other's Accountability Partners

Feedback is where we learn the most. Discerning between feedback and unhelpful/harmful criticism is grounded in the relationships you build. Identifying accountability partners while at work or part of a 360-degree process is the healthiest way to get feedback. These people know what is important to you, understand the changes you are trying to make and are vested partners in your success. - Colby B. Jubenville, PhD, drjubenville.com

10. Deliver It In A Kind, Professional Manner

We all need and benefit from constructive criticism, but it's wise to consider your own delivery before addressing employees. Your facial expression, the tone of your voice and how you deliver the message determine whether or not the employee takes it constructively. Try offering them suggestions for how to improve and make sure your employees know you're accessible if they have questions. - Julie Fisher, Your Digital Guardian

11. Have Good Motivation For Sharing The Feedback

Feedback, whether celebratory or developmental, should always be assessed through the barometer of your heart. What is motivating the sharing of feedback? If it is anything other than to encourage, educate or motivate, take time to assess if you are building something or someone up or simply trying to release your own frustration. - Tonya Echols, Vigere

12. Make It Not About Someone's Personal Character

Feedback often fails because the person receiving it gets defensive or jumps to the worst possible conclusion about the person providing it. When giving feedback, make it about the person’s performance or abilities and not about their personality or character. Use summarizing and paraphrasing to indicate you are listening to what they have to say in response and be ready to answer questions. - G. Riley Mills, Pinnacle Performance Company

13. Ask For Permission To Share Feedback

Constructive criticism is rooted in having permission to give genuine feedback that is intended to help someone improve based on individual perception, not truth). Unhelpful criticism typically happens when it is given without permission and is a personal projection at another. The best strategy is to always ask permission and to frame it as feedback, not criticism. - Jenna Faye Madden, Soul Meets Strategy®

14. Focus On Solutions

Feedback is a caring gesture meant to improve behavior in a positive direction. It should be a specific two-way conversation focused on solutions. Criticism is a dumping of frustration, creating a scapegoat for one's unresolved emotions. You should only give feedback when you are calm and have processed your own feelings about the person or issue. - Dan Messinger, Cream of the Crop Leaders

15. Remember What You Can Control

The only true difference is the perception of the recipient. One can choose to utilize it or choose to take it personally. We have no control over how someone communicates or their motives. However, we can choose what we get out of the communication. - Kamyar Shah, World Consulting Group